


BIG BOOBS MILF SEX

by LakeBellMILF



Category: Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019), The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Airplane Sex, Angry Sex, Angst, Bar & Bat Mitzvah, Cannibalism, Child Death, Dildos, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Gay Pride, Hate Crimes, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Jewish Character, LGBTQ Character, Lactation, Lactation Kink, Lesbian Sex, MILFs, Mile High Club, Minor Character Death, Murder, Necrophilia, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Slow Burn, Smut, Strap-Ons, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24668389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LakeBellMILF/pseuds/LakeBellMILF
Summary: At Lake's son's bar mitzvah, things get slimy.
Relationships: Pamela Isley & Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 23
Kudos: 14





	BIG BOOBS MILF SEX

**Author's Note:**

> Airport Runway: (A Backstory from Lake Bell’s Perspective)  
> My husband and I had just christened the Jetblue bathroom. That’s right, I joined the Mile High Club. I hate my husband. Why you may ask? He doesn’t appreciate me; calls me boring and monotone. So I decided to surprise him, yet I didn’t know how. As we were landing (we were flying back from Sri Lanka where I met my Jewish family), I had the most remarkable idea. The runway, it sparked something deep inside me. I looked down at my CROATCH and back at my husband. He snarled at me, so I smirked and softly meowed back.  
> When we returned to our apartment in the most ghetto part of Oregon, I ran straight to the bathroom. I grabbed my husband’s tweezers and started ripping my pubes out one by one. I wasn’t fazed, yet strangely aroused. Maybe I had a mental illness? The tweezers were taking too long, so I resorted to the method my mother had taught me when I was three. (Yes I had pubes at the age of three). I used my limber and flexible body to bend over and eat my pubes as well as lick myself. I gasped in awe of my talent. In front of me was the most perfect strip of pubic hair, with equivalent sides all around. My pube strip was born. :P

The Weekend Before Osgood’s Bar Mitzvah  
VACATION 2020  
(ENEMIES TO LOVERS)

Lake Bell and Kaley Cuckoo are on a vacation with their husbands. Today is a sunny day, a rare occasion in Lake’s ghetto Oregon town. 

Her Jew son that she gave birth to in a bathtub has finally come of age; his birth was traumatizing. This is a big occasion because no one thought he would survive after accidentally ingesting Lake’s massive pubes upon being birthed. He had choked on Lake’s pubes, and they had to go to the hospital. 

Lake suffered from postpartum depression for four minutes after Osgood’s birth. She had wanted him to enter this world through the forest in her lady valley. Unfortunately, this decision almost cost her sweet Jewish offspring his life. 

Osgood wouldn’t have been her first natural birth; her older daughter Supernova (aka Nova) was born in a children’s pool. One day, Osgood had called Kaley Cuckoo his mother. In conclusion, Lake is a MILF (mom in late forties). Holla at my MILFS. 

Kaley is kissing her ugly husband, Karl, with the same passion that was in their leaked iCloud sex tape, their tongues in each others’ throats. Lake had seen the tape FUCK; she flicked her clitoris to it once or twice (a day), but had never brought it up to her best friend.

Lake remembered that time when she and her husband watched Kaley’s sextape; they got so horny that they had rough sex and that’s how Osgood was born. They did it in SUPERNOVA’S crib while she was still awake in it. It was just like a slip-n-slide for SUPERNOVA after her parents were finished! SUPERNOVA had witnessed everything. They firmly believed that all family members should be connected in some way, shape, or form. They also cut SUPERNOVA’S pubes like Lake’s.

They deemed a human centipede too messy, so this was the next best thing. 

Anyways, Lake knew more about Kaley than she did about herself. Kaley was extremely homophobic; she was caught driving straight through pride parades on her way to Chick-Fil-A and beating James Charles up at the Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas while calling him a “faggot”. She was also seen burning her Harry Potter’s books when JK Rowling confirmed that Dumbledore was, in Kaley’s words, a “faggot.”

Lake didn’t support her choices, but her fucking forest of a vagina did. Every time Kaley floored a homosexual, her vagina did a loopty loop like King Da Ka at Six Flags.

Kaley usually wondered if Lake was a bit of a “dyke”. Maybe she could also floor her. Kaley had once come in contact with a fan that identified as a “lesbian.” The fan was never seen again, and bones were found in Kaley’s backyard. She claimed the two were unrelated.

Kaley had fucked the corpse. It’s not gay if they aren’t breathing. Kaley used the bones to make stock in the crockpot for Karl Cuckoo. 

Kaley was quite angry today, but Lake could not figure out why. All she knew is that this could be a great opportunity for angsty sex.”What’s up booger?” Lake said while staring at her exposed pubic hairs. “Your pubes are so ugly.” 

Kaley had the sudden urge to floor her co-star, despite Lake not being confirmed as a “faggot dyke.” She did seem really into recording that sex scene though... 

Piss cakes of a dick, Lake was most definitely turned on. Kaley had big platform boots; she pushed Lake on the ground and stepped on her with her boots. Her saggy (and also fat) tits hung down and tickled Lake’s face. “But Kaley, you’re as homophobic as my rabbi!” Lake screamed and moaned. “I am homophobic.”

This was the moment Kaley realized she really fucking hated gays, but had a special spot for Lake’s pubic strip. So cliché, recording a sex scene for an adult show and then fucking your co-star. Lake couldn't help herself after hearing a recording of her own moans. While not as satisfying as Kaley’s sex tape, it did make her strip drip! Kaley choked Lake with her hair. She was gagging on her pubes. This was even better than the tentacle porn Lake dreamed about between Ivy and Harley.

“I- Kaley… K-Baby...” Lake whimpered while mid-kiss. “Call me Bethany, and I’ll call you PoisonIvy123.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you dyke?” She punched Lake so hard in the stomach that Lake became skinny for a second. Lucky for her, Lake was a secret BDSM enthusiast. The pain only made her fat, pepperoni nipples more erect. She wanted her milk to come out for Kaley.

“I’m wet. You’re making me lactate K-Baby. Drink it...”

Kaley starts sucking Lake’s fat tits like a baby that needed to get it’s nutrition. She began forcefully strangling Lake, screaming ‘ITS NOT GAY IF THEY AREN’T BREATHING,’ but Lake will not go without a fight, she starts choking Kaley too. She knew Kaley was so wet she could hear her vagina make noises. 

Lake knew Kaley loved fucking dead people, so she ran to her suitcase and grabbed her Rubberman suit from American Horror Story. “It’s the original, real thang KK. I’m a ghost, Boo.” Despite her homophobic views, Kaley felt her juicy cooter begin to drip. There was so much, people would think she was peeing herself. 

“YELLOWS TAPES AROUND THEIR BODY ITS A FUCKING HOMOCIDE.” Kaley sang. Suddenly a crash sounded from outside the cabin. Lake ran to the window to see Patrick Shoomablooger emerge from an UFO. He was super horny for lesbians and would never miss the chance to see lesbian sex live! Maybe this would give him an idea for a future Harlivy steamy scene.

Lake was excited about getting caught by Patrick while her and Kaley are roughly fucking. Her pepperoni nipples clapped against the glass window, and Patrick jumped back. His dick is SO HARD, and he begins to get a little tent in his pants. OMG.

Kaley was still choking Lake. She decides to kiss her. It was turning her on greatly because of the BDSM enthusiasm and all that. The crushing of her windpipe was enough to get her pelvis roaring. 

Kaley spits in Lake’s mouth; it’s a reference to semen. She swallows and it tastes like the flesh and organs of the lesbian she ate a long time ago. 

She was reminded of her thirst for the blood of HOMOS, so she grabbed the brick from the fireplace and threw it through the window, hitting Patrick and killing him instantly. 

As a result, Harley Quinn season 3 is cancelled.

Karl Cuckoo runs outside to piss on Patrick’s lifeless body (he also did piss on Patrick quite often when Scmubalagber was still alive). Behind the scenes of Harley Quinn, Patrick was super into watersports. 

Meanwhile, Lake was getting Kaley to come (ha ha ha ha ha) to her senses. “Kaykay Cuckoo, baby. You can’t keep doing this. Your internalized homophobia is showing. You are gay. You can accept it. I’ll always be here for you. Just promise me you won’t run over Ru Paul at the next parade, okay?”

Kaley let out an angry, guttural scream.

“I’M EXTERNALLY HOMOPHOBIC. I HATE FAGGOTS. GOD HATES FAGS.”

Slapping the shit out of Lake’s face over and over again, Lake screams “THE BIBLE NEVER SAID GOD HATED HOMOSEXUALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Lake couldn’t take this level of degrading, so she came on the spot. Kaley licks the cum off Lake’s vagina, wanting to keep it really clean, overstimulating Lake. (She thought of her tongue as a Swifter Sweeper, and Lake’s clit as her dirty tile floor).

“Let’s 69 Kaykey. I need your pussy too now. Be my little latke.”

Kaley executed and got on top of Lake where she could see her pussy, Lake started licking Kayley’s vagina and putting her 45 fingers in her one by one, Kayley’s pussy was so stretched it looked like childbirth. Eventually it widened enough that Kaley was able to crawl in herself. Ahh.. Sweet memories of Osgood.

Speaking of childbirth, her Jewish son walked in holding the Jewish bible. The sight of his mom’s stretched vagina and Kayley stretching it made him wish he was a fetus again. Osgood took off running and crawled inside his mother’s enormous vagina which was actually sexually stimulating for Lake. Gay people are predatory. 

Lake paid no mind to this and looked back at her homophobic gf.

“Are you ready for some BIG BOOBS MILF SEX?!” Her big MILF boobs were leaking rancid milk. 

“Please keep licking and entering my pussy with your fingers for a while. After this, we can have your big boobs milf sex.” Kayley was annoyed. She just wanted to feel good.

Lake gets the STRAP. She had been saving a strap for this occasion. She puts it on and doggystyles Kayley. Kayley’s fat boobs are jiggling everywhere. For one beautiful second, Lake’s deli meat nipples and Kayley’s regular nipples touch. A nipple kiss <3

Kaley moans and cums in a record time of two seconds. Lake never expected Kaley to be this weak at the hands of her juicy strap.  
😖  
“MORE, YOU STUPID DYKE! I NEED MORE!”

Lake shows no mercy and plows into Kaley’s sizable pussy. The strap goes into Kaley’s organs, causing horrible internal bleeding and tissue rupture that they will have to fix soon (Good thing Kaley’s alter ego, Harley Quinn, has a PhD ;) ). Internal bleeding can kill a human in just five minutes! But Lake doesn't stop and keeps rearranging Kaley’s guts and organs. Pounding into it even harder, Kaley does the ahegao face uwu owo rawr xD. Kaley screams, either because of the intense pleasure or because her organs are bleeding. She wants to eat Lake’s body before dying. She bites Lake’s arms and starts munching on them.

“I am cannibal cannibal I’ll eat you up,” she sings softly and sensually.

It’s almost romantic. Kaley knew she had no time to waste to eat the ugly lesbian because she felt herself dying at her internal bleeding caused by Lake’s strap (Lake was still fucking Kaley at 140 mph). Hemorrhaging is no joke. Kaley finally ate both of Lake’s arms. What else could she eat next? Using her gymnastics skills that she inherited from her animated character, Kaley starts eating Lake’s pride and joy: her pube strip (I bet you thought I’d say her son that’s still in her vagina). Like Osgood did when he was a newborn, Kaley chokes on the pubes. They taste of old meat and refried beans. She coughs up some blood due to the combined horror of the pubes and her ruptured organs. Now it looks like Lake is on her period! SHE NEEDS TO SHIT NOW. Lake has strong diarrhea when she is in intense pleasure. She shits right in the middle of the room, and Osgood falls out. OSGOOD FUCKING DIES HAPPILY IN A STORM OF DIARRHEA THAT HAS A SIMILAR CONSISTANCY TO MUSHY PEAS. His Jewish frisbee hat falls out first making a plopping noise as it hits the floor. Lake’s stinky surprise sends Kaley into ecstasy. She’s confused, yet pleasured and still eating Lake’s body. Another knock at the window, it’s none other than Bart Bell! Bart screams at the sight of Kaley Cuckoo devouring his feces-covered wife and the strap into Kayley’s pussy, also their dead Jewish son. He never even got to become a man. Bart wades through the shit river and takes hold of the Jewish hat that his son used to wear. He drops to his knees and begins to sob.

Bart screams, “RIDDLE ME THIS FAGGOT! WHAT’S DEAD AND JEWISH?!” Bart is the riddler.

Lake responds with another rapid jet of feces from her wide anus.

“OSGOOD!” it spells. 

“GOOD GIRL!” He exclaims, caressing her face. He turns her over and FUCKS HER GOOD DESPITE THE FECES ALL OVER HER. Bart has never seen such feces from his wife because he’s never managed to arouse her. He isn’t yet feces resistant, so he slips. Bart’s head hits the ground with a loud CRACK, and his brains spill out. Lake devours them instantly. KALEY IS SHOCKED.

“Are you a cannibalist too? I’ve been eating you.”

“I didn’t notice,” Lake says in surprise as her arms regrow like a lizard (idk what reptile).

“I don’t like regrowers. Fuck this shit.”

Kaley is starting to feel homophobic again. But remember guys, she is also dying. Her internal bleeding has started to become external. Lake licks the blood. She is actually Edward from Twilight.

Osgood is alive and safe.

Suddenly the FBI breaks down the door. The neighbors had called the police for a domestic disturbance, and Kaley had a history of anally fingering the cops when they came to arrest her. 

Lake and Kaley screamed as a storm of bullets rained down on what remained of their bodies. The FBI shot everything except for Ozgood because it’s illegal to shoot a jew. 

Kaley and Lake dies, Lake’s strap still in Kaley’s vagina and Kaley still munching Lake.


End file.
